High School Never Ends
by Project Deathstar
Summary: My high school experience can be summed up as one big WTF moment. I mean, organized crime, lunatic teachers and classmates, and daily threats to life as we know it aren't normal, right? Right?


Ch. 1: Sporting Events

"Mr. Fair."

I groaned as I was stirred from my well earned nap by my Algebra II teacher, Mr. Xemnas, who's drawl was thick enough to put a herd of elephants to sleep. Elephants hyped up on Red Bull and speed.

"Since you're _so_ invested in what I have to teach, do you mind telling me what you think the answer to this problem is?"

I looked up at the board. A problem was written on it, probably quadratics from the look of it, but math always looks like gibberish to me.

"Um... 358/2?"

Xemnas smirked as he turned back to the board. "As always, Mr. Fair, you are wr-"

His smirk faded as he looked over the board. "Actually... that's correct."

"It is? I mean- of course it is."

Xemnas rolled his eyes and continued on droning about the day's lesson. I looked to the desk next to me to see my best friend Riku giving me a thumbs up. I looked around at the rest of the class to see them either sleeping like I was, texting, or just staring off into space, begging for this class to end soon.

I felt a sigh of relief escape me as the bell for lunch rang. I got up and bolted towards the door to get as far away from Mansex as possible.

"Can't you go one class period without slipping into a coma, Sora?"

I turned to see Riku catching up to me. I shrugged.

"Can you really blame me? Mansex has the most boring voice in the universe. It's like one, missile sized tranquilizer."

"Can't argue with that," Riku conceeded. "But seriously, what do you do all night? Jerk off to Kairi?"

I felt my face burn. Does he always have to make that assumption?

"No, you asshole. I couldn't sleep."

"Because you were fantasizing about Kairi."

"No! Well... Shut up! I keep having nightmares about those pink elephants from Dumbo."

Riku laughed. "Are you kidding me?"

"Hey, Disney's fucked up," I shrugged. "Just look at the death scenes for the villains as proof."

"Hey, there's Roxas."

We came right up behind Roxas, who was standing at his open locker, tugging at the tie from his school uniform, gazing longingly across the hallway at the girl he's had a crush on since kindergarden, Naminé, who was talking to a couple of friends. I could definitely see what Roxas liked about her. She has shoulder length blond hair, blue eyes, and had a killer smile, which she was showing off now as she was laughing at something her friend said. She's also probably the nicest person in this school, so I don't get what Roxas has to fear from making a move.

Riku grabbed Roxas into a headlock and started giving him a noogie as Roxas was struggling to get free.

"Let me go!"

"I will if you ask out Naminé."

Roxas kicked Riku in the shin, who laughed as Roxas brushed off his shirt and quickly glanced at Naminé.

"She didn't see that, did she?"

Naminé was still talking to her friends as if nothing happened, so I assume that she didn't. But I decided to be a jackass anyway.

"Yeah Roxas, she saw that," I smirked. "She won't want anything to do with you now."

"Ha ha," Roxas deadpanned.

"Seriously man," Riku said. "Grow a pair and ask her out."

"But what if she says no?"

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, this is _Namin__é._ Saying no is probably the worst thing she could possibly do."

Roxas sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Riku placed an arm around Roxas, then pulled me in as well. "I swear, you two are hopeless when it comes to women. Come on, I'm starving."

Once we got to the lunchroom, we sat down at our regular table and saw that our friend Axel was already there with a brief case and a smirk that said he was up to something. Again.

"What is it this time, Axel?" I deadpanned.

"A surefire way for us to gain lots and lots of money," he answered in a satisfied tone.

I rolled my eyes. Axel always said that. Ever since middle school, he's been coming up with more and more outlandish get-rich-quick schemes that he involves me, Riku, and Roxas in. Most of the time, they backfire. Horribly. I still have the marks from the Corset Incident.

"What did you do this time?" Riku asked.

"You know the homecoming game tonight?" Axel asked.

We all nodded.

"I started a betting ring. I started it off with $2,000 and got people to bet on either the Destiny Squirtles or the Honolulu Whoremongers."

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean the Honolulu Horsemen?"

"I know what I said."

I admit, this wasn't as extreme as Axel's other schemes. Then again...

"Where did you get $2,000?" I finally asked.

Axel shrugged. "I found it on a park bench last Sunday."

"Shouldn't you have reported it to the police?" Riku asked.

"I could've, but where's the fun in that?"

"So... how does this benefit us?"

Axel smirked again. "Well you see, word around the grapevine is that the game's been fixed for the Horsemen to win. I placed an inital bet of the $2,000 I found on the Horsemen, while the bets for the Squirtles kept piling up."

"Why?"

"'Cause the Squirtles have been winning this whole season and the school is ignorant of the true nature of the game. Anyway, the total now is $8,000. Once the Horsemen win, we get to keep the money and split it amongst ourselves."

"You know, for the first time, I'm glad to go to a school full of rich kids," Riku chuckled as he took a bite from an apple he pulled out of his lunch bag.

"And you're sure this won't backfire in any possible way?" I asked sckeptically. "I'm pretty sure this isn't exactly legal."

"Relax, what's the worst that can happen?" Axel responded.

Lots of things, Axel. Lot's of things.

After lunch, I strolled to my final class of the day, chemistry, taking in my surroundings of the asylum I call Destiny High School. Why do I call it an asylum instead of the common descriptions like hell, shithole and the likes? Because everyone and everything that happens in this school is batshit insane. And this happens to be the day where the insanity catches up to me and influences the remaining days of my high school experience. But before I describe those events, I want to share what is probably the last moment of normalcy I have here.

I walk into Room D207 and look around the room. I spot the table I sit at, and its empty. I smirk. Perfect.

I rush to my table, sit down and immediately rest my head on the table and close my eyes. As I heard more students crowd into the classroom, I waited until I heard the stool next to me scrape the floor and a feminine sigh filled my ears.

"Sora, I know you're awake you lazy bum."

I smirked, but I didn't budge. I felt a sharp poke on my upper arm. I still feigned sleep. I had to stifle a laugh as I felt a kick hit my shin. When I sensed a shift of movement, I opened my eyes a little to see a red haired girl with her back towards me. Quickly, before she could turn back around, I reached for her sides and started tickling her. She squealed and started giggling.

"Sora, stop-" she laughed.

"Make me," I said, joining in on her laughing.

She delivered another kick to my shin and I let go, continuing to laugh as I saw her pout at me, her indigo eyes sparkling with a child like playfulness.

"You're a jerk," she said.

"Aw Kairi, that hurts coming from you."

Kairi smirked and immediately lunged at me to pay evil unto evil, but to no effect.

"Nice try, but you know I'm not ticklish,"

Kairi sat back in her stool and shrugged. "It was worth a try."

I smiled. I've known Kairi since I was four, and she's practically my best friend, with the exception of Riku, Roxas, and Axel. I hang out with her the most, and we have the same interests, tastes in music, movies, plus I could tell her anything. Well... except one small thing.

I'm in love with her.

Cliche, right? Falling in love with your best friend, the girl next door (not literally, but you get the idea). I don't know when I started feeling this, maybe as soon as middle school, or maybe I always had these feelings but didn't realize what they were until I was old enough to understand them. Well, how I came to this conclusion is not important. What _is_ important, is whether I act on them.

I'm really no better than Roxas. I'm caught up in the same intricate web of insecurities, worried about the negative consequences instead of looking for positive ones. For example, I worry that she doesn't feel the same way and if I tell her how I feel, she won't look at me the same way again. Also, if I do start a relationship with her, what if something happens and we won't even be friends any more? But I can't stop imagining myself holding her close to me and never letting go.

"So you going to the game tonight?"

I was shaken out of my thoughts. "Yeah."

Kairi raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Normally when I ask you that, you always say no, or that you'd rather do something else."

I chuckled. "Well, I have a feeling it might be interesting this year."

"Is Axel planning something again?" Kairi asked in a disapproving tone. She never really likes it when Axel tries to get me involved in something. Can I blame her though?

"No," I lied. "Me and the guys just wanted to go for a little while, then go downtown or something."

Kairi didn't look convinced, but she shrugged. "Well, I'm having a party at my house after the game, so why don't you guys stop by?"

"Ok, sure."

"Promise?"

I smiled as I grabbed random beakers and started mixing them. "Promise."

"Wait, Sora that's-"

The mixture exploded in front of us, leaving Kairi and I singed in a cartoon like fashion.

"...Never mind," Kairi laughed as our teacher, Professor Vexen glared in our direction and the other students staring at us with wide eyes. I couldn't help but laugh as well.

**Later...**

"What took you?" Axel shouted at me over the noise of the crowd.

I took a seat between Riku and Roxas. "Traffic."

"Well, it's about to start," Riku yelled, accidently spilling some of his nachos on an unfortunate student in front of him. "Oops. Sorry!"

"Alright!" Axel cheered. "Let's get rich!"

I chuckled as the teams started to line up. Then my eyes waundered to the lowest row of the bleachers where I could see three grown men working their way up. One had black and grey hair tied in a ponytail and wore a grey suit, one had short blond hair and a goatee, wearing the same color suit, and the last one probably stood out the most, having pink hair and a bright green suit with no tie and the shirt open to expose his chest. I can think of three words that can sum up this guy's personality, but the least offensive one would probably be "flamboyant".

Pinkie looked up at where I was and said something to his companions, pointing at us and motioning for them to follow. I realized they were looking for us, but I wondered why. Then I looked at the briefcase Axel was holding and I understood.

"Hey guys, we should probably go," I yelled nervously.

Axel looked at me in disbelief. "Go? But the game just started."

"Yeah, what's the rush?" Roxas asked.

"Will you four gentlemen accompany us?" came a smooth voice.

We all turned to see the three men standing in the aisle, looking at us menacingly.

"You have something that belongs to us," the salt and pepper haired man said. He had a Surfer accent. How charming.

I looked around at my friends. Riku was glaring at the strangers, Roxas was nervously whistling_ Simple and Clean_, and Axel looked as though he realized the gravity of the situation.

"Oh, you mean this?"

He held up the briefcase. "You see, I was spending the last week searching for the owner of this fine, quality leather briefcase and-"

"Cut the crap mate," the blonde man interupted. He also had an accent, but this one was British. Classy.

"Give us the money, or else," Pinkie threatened.

"Or else what?" Axel challenged.

"Axel," Roxas warned. "I think its a good idea to give the questionable men what they came for-"

The Brit reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out some brass knuckles and slipped them onto his fingers.

"Or else I'll have Luxord here give you dashing rouges a _heavy_ pounding," Pinkie growled with a smirk. The other two men gave him an odd look.

"What?" the surfer dude said in a slightly disturbed manner.

"You were supposed to say 'or else I'll have Luxord crack open your skulls'," Luxord groaned. "We rehearsed this."

"What, I can't spice things up a bit?" Pinkie complained.

"What are you guys, the Mafia?" Riku scoffed.

"Actually, yes," Surfer dude said.

I turned to Axel, my heart rate rising. "You stole from the fucking Mafia?!"

"I didn't know!"

I turned to Riku and saw him observe his nachos and smirk. Oh no. Was he gonna do what I think he was gonna do?

"Okay gentlemen, I think we can come to some sort of agreement," Riku said calmly. "But first, would you care for some nachos?"

He then threw his snack at pinkie, hitting his green shirt. The pink haired man screamed in outrage.

"This is a designer suit from Montenegro!" he wailed.

The four of us took that as our chance to escape. As we ran down the steps, I could hear bits of the conversation between the Mafia enforcers.

"Um, Marluxia, they're getting away. Shouldn't we..."

"GET ME A WET TOWEL AND A YOGERT CREPE FIRST!"

"Are these guys for real?" I muttered.

"We're dead," Roxas laughed in a nervous wreck. "We're so dead."

"Not if I can help it!" Riku shouted. "Quick, to the Riku Mobile!"

"You mean your pickup?" Axel deadpanned.

"Yeah, that too." Riku said sheepishly.

So my story starts with me and my best friends being chased by the Mafia. If you think that's nuts, just you wait. It only goes downhill from here.

**A/N: I don't know where I was when I got the idea for this fic. Probably daydreaming in Algebra II, hence the introduction. **

**Anyway, this is a parody of most high school AU fics, with extremely exaggerated situations. I don't really hate high school AU fics, hell, most of Jomatto's stories are those, and they're among my favorite. I just figured I'd try my hand at it and see where I can take it and what aspects of this genre I can have fun with. **

**Until then, please read and review to let me know what you think :)**


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